I talk about “we” yet the response is about “you” and “I”.  I want “together” and yet   you say “I’m a loner”.  I wonder about the future and you say let’s get through now.  What affects you, affect me too, and still you do nothing.

I’ve come to the crossroads.  I stand here, pondering which one to choose.  If I continue on this path, I can only hope that there is a light at the end, and not this continuous labyrinth of emotions.  I can take the path that splits and then hopefully meets again.  Or I can take the far road, which leads to only me and a life of uncertainty but with a certainty of where I stand and the hope that all will be well.

Whatever road I choose, hope is the constant.  For if there is no hope, then the only other road is despair.

I speak…but I am not heard;
I show…but I am not seen;
I ask…but I am not granted.
The flower that is ignored eventually withers and dies. 

Sometimes I wonder, “Is it just me?  Have I changed so much?  I should be thankful for what I have and not wish for what I don’t.”  And then other times I wonder, “Why shouldn’t I want more?  Life’s too short to settle for being second…or third…or fourth…on the list of priorities.”  Don’t give up, they say.  Fight for what you want…I guess I just don’t know what I want any more. 

I took the plunge and sent out several query letters.  I’ve received responses to from two agents (“thanks but no thanks”).  Still waiting on the third.  I just sent out to a fourth.  Each query letter is similar to the last, but different as I develop a different approach.

In my darker moments, I think, “Yeah, yeah…patience is a virtue.  But I could be spending this precious time writing my book!”

During my more lucid moments, I think, “Imagine all the query letters these poor agents receive?”  And then I think about my job and all those consultants trying to get work with our company.

It’s eye opening, being on the other side of the coin.

The hardest part in all this, though, is the waiting for a response.  Any response.  And if it’s a negative, you wonder what it was that didn’t grab their attention.  But I understand that I can’t take it personally.

That doesn’t make the waiting part any easier.  So I quote, “Patience is a virtue; Virtue is a grace.  Both put together make a very pretty face.”

Did I mention how much I hate to wait?

“They” say Patience is a Virtue.  Sadly, when it comes to things involving me, my patience is lacking.

If I’m helping my children with their homework, I have the patience of a saint.
If I’m teaching something new to someone at work, church, or home, my patience knows no bounds.
If I’m waiting for a doctor to perform a test, my patience in unmatched.

BUT….

If I’m hungry, I need to eat…NOW.
If I’m tired, I need to rest…NOW.
If I’ve mailed a query to an agent, I need a response….NOW!

Yes, amidst my “fans’”, Send it out!  Send it out!, I mailed out my query letter and synopsis/first 10 pages to two agents.  Response time varies from three weeks to four-to-six weeks.  While I can sympathize with agents who are probably inundated with queries, it doesn’t make the waiting more bearable.  My future can be turned around by just two words:  “I’m interested….”  Those two words are in the same category as other life-altering, dynamic duo phrases:  “Love you,” “Marry me,” and “You’re pregnant.”

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Back in the 20th Century, when I first started writing, I used to think, “Write story, send to publisher, get book published.”  Simple, right?

Ehhhhhhh!  Wrong answer.

I was in for a rude awakening when I decided to get serious about getting published.  It’s not so simple.  There’s a lot more work involved (especially on the author’s part, from my new understanding of the publishing world).  One of the biggest challenges (aside from writing that dreaded query letter…but that’s another discussion), is very Shakespearean in nature:  “To use an Agent, or not to use an Agent…that is the question.”

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